Shattered TearDrops info and scene

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I have been working on this story for about…..two years now I believe…..no wait could be three actually. Either way I’ve been working on it for awhile now (that’s not counting the time I just had it in my brain collecting dust, and small scenes of it written out on paper), and I’m just dying to get it finished. Sadly between having T, moving, baseball, school, and other things life as thrown at us these last few years, I have only been able to start it, work on a few pages here and there, let it collect dust for a few months, work on it a little more, let it collect dust again, and repeat. Over and over again. It still is not done though. Sigh I think I have a good chunck of it finished but its still technically the first draft so I still need to go over it for spelling errors and messed up wording, then have someone read it to see what mess ups they can find and get their feedback. Then I have to choose if I want to self publish or try and find a publisher. UGH Oh and this writers block that I seem to keep getting is of no help whatsoever, and it is very frusterating. -_-

One cool thing about this story though, is that several years ago when I was getting my tired rotated at FIRESTONE I actually met someone (an employee) that looked exactly how I wanted my main male character to look!! 0.0 And after almost a half hour of being shy and nervous I finally asked him for a pic so I could have it for the character, he was nice about it and let me have one, even added me on FB so I could let him know when I finished it. 🙂 I feel kinda bad that it has taken me this long to do so though.

Anyways….Here is a scene from the book, please let me know what you think, or if there are any errors!! THANKS!!!! ^_^

Like a stab to her heart, her mind went over the events of that fateful day; as usual it was beautiful day, it was warm but not too much just like any other day in Fall. Her parents had decided to treat them to a day at the lake, and a nice BBQ meal with dessert to celebrate her brother Xalvador getting his first real job.
Zamora felt some pain when her mind started to battle itself, part of it wanting to finish the day off nicely with them all going to bed and continuing with life happily, while another part was slicing through the smiles bringing blood stained wood and screams.
Relax. She told herself. Nowing that even though she wished the day had ended peacefully it actually had not and that she needed to know what happened.
They were standing on the porch admiring the full moon after just finishing dessert when he came out of nowhere. Like a shadow in the night completely unseen. Her brother was the first to go, the sickening sound of his neck snapping, bones breaking to do what they were not meant to do- broke the silence of the night followed by a scream from her Mom,
“Xalvador!” she ran to her son who now lay on the ground lifeless.
Zamora’s step-dad yelled at her and her step-sister to run.
The man turned to her Mom next. A blade silently slid across her throat, cutting straight through to the arteries, speckles of her warm blood showering everything around her as she reached to grab her throat

Zamora could hear her own scream leave her as her eyes took in the scene around her. She wanted to run to get away before he got to her next but when his cold eyes landed on her next she froze for a moment just staring at him.
The light in the yard aided by the full moon lit up his features he had scars across his face; he stood close enough for her to see the cloudiness of his blind eyes; his blonde hair was grown out just enough that it almost reached his eyes while the rest was tied back with a red ribbon. A metal headband that the light shined off was wrapped around his forehead, it had two red and two green lights angled at his temples that flashed. His left arm had metal woven around it curving out the muscles of his bicep and triceps; it ended as a metal glove for his hand. He wore a sleeveless shirt that cling to his chest making it ripple every time he moved and his pants looked to be leather with three belts that looped around his waist and hips holstering different weapons.
It was when he reached for something in a small pouch that was looped to one of the belts, that her body finally kicked in, and she turned to run. Fear raced through her and her heart pounded against her rib cage.
A device clanged as it hit the wooded porch by her feet; it let out a red glow closing her into an energy field,
“I get to spare you dearie, but you get to watch.” He said with a wink, before pulling out two throwing knives and threw them at her Step-sister who was trying to make a run for it in the woods that was across the road, though had not gotten far. She fell to the ground with a scream of pain as the knives buried themselves into her thighs.
He turned toward her step-dad who was sitting on the steps of the porch cradling his dead wife in his arms, crying, blood soaking his clothes and pooling on the wooden porch around them.
“No please! Leave him alone!” Zamora cried, not wanting to see another member of her family killed.
“Don’t worry it’ll be quick.” He smirked over his shoulder at her.
Tears ran down her face, as she fell to her knees, “No, please, don’t do this.” She begged through the tears. However, he just ignored her and kept walking the last few steps to his target.
“Any last words old man?” he asked putting a gun to his head.
“We love you Zamora; we have faith in you, always remember what you father taught you.” He said looking at her through the tears,
“I love you too!” she said placing a hand on the red shield around her.
Husband touched his lips against his wife’s forehead closing his eyes he gave her a gentle kiss. Taking in his last breath, smelling the Coconut in her hair and tasting the salt in his own tears, “See you soon my love.” he whispered.
Pain, sadness, hate and anger crashed through her body and shattered Zamora’s heart as the thundering sound of a gunshot split through the air and her Dad’s body went limp. Teardrops falling off her face and splashing on the wood by her knees.
“No!” She yelled, “You are a Monster!”
“That’s a matter of opinion, dear.” He stated holstering his weapon and then walking over to where her sister had fallen.
Yvon was trying to crawl away when he got to her, he grabbed a handful of her hair and dragged her back with him. Her cries of pain echoed through the still air as she tried to keep up with the man to keep from being dragged too much. He tossed her on the wooden floor beside her sister; they looked at each other tears in their eyes, reflecting the pain they both felt, but having no words of comfort to share.

Well that’s it for that scene. It was hard for me to write this, and still make a change every so often, but for the most part I think its done. What do you think???

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